I’ve been thinking a lot lately of what it means to matter to someone, and to have that person matter right back. Family, friends, partners, even strangers – they all touch our lives in some way or another.
Obviously, this is accompanied by joy and companionship and love and whole lot more. But what happens when things change — when (we are treated as if) we don’t matter anymore, or at least not like we used to?
A long time ago, someone told me the only person you can depend on is yourself. The idea struck me as terribly sad and not at all true. The older I get, though, the more I see this might be the case.
I am a person who holds myself and others to an extremely high standard. I try to do what I say I’ll do; to never purposely hurt anyone; and to not only wipe clean the slate for others, but to make amends when I do wrong.
So when someone who matters lets me down in a way that matters, too, I am conflicted: do I wipe the slate clean, or do I see the writing on it? Relationship preservation, or self-preservation?
The flip side of this, of course, is that life is complicated, and everyone deserves slack. I need it on pretty much a daily basis. And sometimes people mess up, or are messed up, and that isn’t necessarily their fault. Besides, is the alternative being completely alone?
What do you think?
Choosing to be alone is simultaneously the least and most complicated emotional condition I’ve ever encountered. I find that my (and our) desire to isolate ourselves, to remove the possibility of being desperately disappointed, waxes and wanes. I think the forgetfulness that’s wired into our brains helps maintain our drive to socialize: we forget, after a while, that we were badly burned, and we rediscover joy in companionship, the very companionship that exposes us to such emotional risk. We fall again, we hide, we recover, we climb into the cycle again.
All this has happened before, and will again. We endure.
Comment by Brian — August 28, 2008 @ 10:34 pm |
Hey, that’s pretty profound, Mr. S. Sounds like you can identify.
Comment by accidentalluddite — August 29, 2008 @ 9:27 am |
I’m probably not the best person to speak on this topic given I am a noted cutter of ties and an avid grudge-holder…
However, I only do this after I feel I have made several attempts at giving people second, third, and forth chances. At what point do you have to say, “Enough is enough”? What’s the limit on how many times you let someone disappoint you before you’ve had your fill??? I guess that answer differs for everyone…I generally hit a point where I am fed up…make a conscious decision to give the person ONE more chance…and then I wipe my hands of them. At least that way I feel I tried one more time.
Comment by Caroline — August 29, 2008 @ 10:04 am |
We can identify, definitely. However, I wrote that comment when it was late, and I was (am. will be.) sleep deprived. Profundity occurs at the extremes of caffeine blood levels (zero or saturation).
Comment by Brian — August 29, 2008 @ 4:08 pm |
Caroline: I like your sparkling honesty. Just remind me not to get on your bad side…
Brian: I still think you are profound. How are those babies of yours?!
Comment by accidentalluddite — September 7, 2008 @ 10:31 pm |
Babies are great, very weedy i.e. growing like unto. We’ve all just finished a week of sand, surf, and sun, they had a blast, and so did Carolee and I.
How are you?
Comment by Brian — September 8, 2008 @ 6:02 am |